I realised the other morning that I had stopped dreaming - well not completely - but I hadn't dreamt BIG for ages.
For such a long time my dreams had been about leaving the UK, living in Asia, teaching yoga to people who really needed it. I had dreamt these dreams and then realised them - I had put so much into actualising the dream that I had forgotten to continue to dream. My main problem is that I am a dreamer - and left to my own lunar devices that is all I do (my sun is in pisces) - luckily my moon is in capricorn which keeps me somewhat grounded and vaguely driven.
Ideas, dreams, ambitions often appear eccentric to people who don't share your vision. When I had first shared my ideas of moving to Myanmar with the nearest and dearest - there was mixed reaction. Why would you want to give up everything you have here? Life for you is great? You teach in some great studios, you have just finish doing up your flat, you have great friends and a big social network, dear family, you are dating a lovely man it's going well ....whats not to love? But for me the dream was bigger, it expanded wider than London, further than the distance across the channel from England to France, further than the boundaries of 'Europe' that had provided me with security for so many years ... I wasn't quite sure where this dream would take me ... I consciously tried to have no expectations as I knew that would only lead to disappointment.
What is it that stops us dreaming? Our busy schedules? Fear? Fear of what - age? Fear of failure? Fear of other peoples opinions? Fear that no one else dreams like us - that there is something wrong with us?
So... this week... I have started to dream again.
A dear friend here in Myanmar (she is a unicorn of sorts), reminded me of the power of drawing, so a few nights ago I sat down and with a large selection of colour pens and pencils and I started to draw. Attempting to make a map for my dreams. The initial few marks I placed on the paper were tentative - I was properly scared - I hadn't for as many months that I could remember taken this time for myself - to dream - to imagine - to allow what I wanted to come out from the inside organically onto the paper.
My map wasn't really a map - it made no sense really - there was a lack of colour - which is something that I crave - there was a lack of direction - which is something I don't - but there were a few clear pointers on this paper - and those clear pointers clearly spelt out - you are ready to leave Yangon. There is nothing more for you to learn here right now. There it was clear as day - glitter and all.
And then the fear set in.
What about all that you have created here?